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Subject:weirdest fucking dream everr
Time:11:10 am
To dream that your car has been stolen indicates that you are being stripped of your identity. This may relate to losing your job, a failed relationship, or some situation which has played a significant role in your identity and who you are as a person.

To dream of biting someone in your dream signifies the pressure you are putting on some people causing them great distress. You may have unexpressed, perhaps even childish, feelings of anger or resentment that need to be recognized. This dream is a message for you to lighten up and alleviate the stress that you are putting on others.

To dream that you kill someone indicates that you are on the verge of losing your temper and self-control. Consider the person you have killed and ask yourself if you feel any rage towards him or her in your waking life. Your dream may be expressing some hidden anger. Alternatively, you may be trying to kill an aspect of yourself that is represented by the person killed. Identify the characteristics of this person and ask yourself which of these qualities you are trying to put an end to.

To dream that you are defending yourself suggests an underlying hurt. It may parallel a waking life situation where you are being put on the defensive.

To dream that you are hiding suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some information. You may not be facing up to a situation or dealing with some issue. However, you may be getting ready to reveal something and confess before somebody finds out. In particular, to dream that you are hiding from some authority figure (police, parent, teacher...), implies feelings of guilt.

To dream that someone is hiding indicates that you are looking for a sense of security and protection.

To see blood in your dream represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments. If you see the word "blood" written in your dream, then it may refer to some situation in your life that is permanent and cannot be changed. If something else is written in blood, then it represents the energy you have put into a project. You have invested so much effort into something that you are not willing to give it up. If you dream of blood on the walls, then it is a warning of sorts. There is a situation that you need to confront. You can not avoid it any longer. More specifically, if blood is on the bathroom walls, then it indicates that the situation that you need to confront is an extremely emotional one.

To dream that you or someone is confessing represents feelings of guilt and self-blame. Alternatively, it suggests a form of healing. You are heralding new changes into your life.

To dream that you are cleaning an object represents an aspect of yourself that is not working or functioning as well as it should. If you are cleaning the refrigerator or oven, then it indicates that you are getting to root of a matter or situation. It may also indicate feeling so negativity and inferiority. You feel stuck in some area of your life.
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Time:02:29 pm
Neglecting the LiveJournal seems to be a common occurance these days, with all the other younger, sleeker websites floating around, but I feel such a connection to LJ that I really can't let it go. I was trying to nurture my relationship between pen and paper, but I tend to be kind of a journal-whore. I jump from one notebook to another, stopping and starting whenever I please. This, however, is my oldest, dearest, and lightest journal I've ever written in! However angst ridden or silly my emotions have been throughout the years, I've still managed to look back on these posts fondly.

It's been over a year since I've posted, and even longer since I've written regularly! I've got a laundry list of things to do in terms of my self-improvement checklist, but I suppose sitting on my butt and expressing my thoughts every now and again is probably way easier to do than achieve my goal of being able to run a 5k marathon.

Life's been good lately, real good.
A lot has happened in the past year, with family, jobs, and relationships, and with all change comes questions. I haven't quite figured out the answers yet, but I'm calm enough knowing that they'll come eventually. I've finally found someone who shares my state of mind on a lot of things, and I feel like we're walking similar paths and hopefully staying in similar locations for at least a decent while =)
Six months isn't much, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, I'd say!

I'm still bustling around the kitchen, cooking and cleaning in my own little way. I'm hoping to finally hone skills and get some official training in order to hop, skip, and jump around the world and see all the things I've only read about. BevMo! has got both it's pains and it's perks, but I don't think I could find myself a better job in the meantime.

No big summer trips yet, but I've been spending as much time as possible in the sun, and these three day weekends are wonderful! I've got no problem busting my little butt for four of the seven to get three days of uninterrupted relaxation! I'm looking forward to camping, Yosemite, Napa and Monterey this summer.
I'm trying to get a skydiving trip together, as well as a Field Day 2010! All the innocent, childhood fun but this time tainted with beer!

I hope everyone who still reads this is finally starting to feel the warmth of summer!
<3
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Subject:Summer 'o9
Time:11:09 pm
From Pinnacles in April, to Davis in May, and to most recently Pismo in June, I'm continuing my three-day vacations and am about to get to Yosemite from Tuesday through Thursday. It had been an idea waiting to be materialized for a few weeks- it has only somewhat solidified into a generalized plan tonight, a day and a half before departure.

In the past few months I feel like I've finally been able to get a solid idea of what it means to be a woman, friend, lover. I just find it ironic that the three are so delicately interwoven in a particular situation in the current life. It's all good though, because life is so much larger than what I'm currently seeing.

The weather in yosemite is expected to be anywhere from 89-95 through the middle of the week, with night time temperatures settling to about 60, clear skies the whole way through. I can't wait!

Been working an average of about nine 4.5-5 hour shifts in a week, split between BevMo and Strizzis. Lots of the time it makes me feel crazy and makes me wonder what it is that I'm truly doing in my life... and on the other hand I can afford to take time off and take mini-vacations with my closest friends and experience all that California has to offer in the summertime. Yup, I might bitch and moan a lot about the little things, but for the most part, I'm a Lucky, Lucky gal.

I'd like to make Mission Peak Hikes a regular summer afternoon pass-time, and I definitely want to gather around a fire on the beach at night as often as possible. I'm also aching to make a fool out of myself, so I'm planning on showcasing myself at Pyramid Brewery on monday night Karaoke. Woo-hoo, this summer should be fun!
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Time:11:24 pm
i have been LOVING the way my summer has been going so far.

these past two weeks alone included a Pismo beach trip with some of the coolest people ever (hands down), a pool party/bbq, and a pizza party! Come to think about it, the people I've been surrounding myself with and associating with are so wicked down it's amazing.

Slowly letting myself understand completely who I am and what I'm looking for in Life in general. It's a slow process, but a process indeed.

Fifteen minutes of 'fame' on sunday.
Fifteen whole minutes.

Pray that I don't lose my Voice.
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Time:02:12 am
Just got back from a good date with a cute boy.
Saw Angels&Demons for free.
He's a cool dude, too.
nice. Life's looking upwards.

Looking forward to the rest of this summer.
twenty three here i come!
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Time:09:21 pm
The days around the full moon always weird me out and make me feel emotional. spit this out, dont know how I'm planning on ending it.


i've been playing a game with affection,
seriously just can't get enough attention
from a sensation that can't exist without reverberation
so i'll toss pennies into wishing wells,
speak with a voice increasing decibels
and hope this doesnt fall upon deaf ears
I will try to speak swiftly and do my best to keep it clear

--I've uncovered a feeling that sets this simple mind reeling.
This self-consciousness helped the self prep for deceiving
then the natural response gets set for deception
most folks today are tryna play some sort of game
and i swear i'm the exception
but i scarcely think that he thinks I'm worth it
And I wouldn't place blame or hold shame if he claimed
it was cus of the way I worked it

see I let this body release its tension in any form it takes expression
so we use moans and thrusts as words instead of the verbal selection
so as we release endorphins i watch it morphing my perceptions,
finding a blind eye tuned to his imperfections
and lips are left articulating the future directions.
see it was convenience and common attraction that led to this distraction
compatability lent itself to chemistry and ignited inherent passion
now these coals are left smoldering....

...unfinished, not quite sure where it's going next.

This interaction is super new but i'm thoroughly not enjoying the insecurities. I gotta get the balls to be more articulate to his face and not just save it for poetry. Or maybe I should? I think these rhythms sound kinda cool...
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Time:02:33 am
illiterate intimacy...1o.27.o8
To be intimate with someone, I've learned, comes in many different forms. Sharing any aspect of one life with another is intimate, and the levels of connection determine the depth and breadth of these relationships. I've met a lot of people in my life, most transient and quick, but I have been extremely blessed and fortunate to sustain friendships and acquaintances with many of these individuals. As I take a trip down memory lane and see all these friendly faces cross the back of my eyelids, I find myself thinking about past co-workers, neighbors, ex-lovers, and even family members and the levels of closeness I'd once had with them. I suppose it's the walk of life that takes us down these paths, and oft times mutual obligation isn't enough to form lasting connections.

I suppose I just wonder if the intimacy is all imagined, if the conversations shared over beer and blunts or empty places of business brought them to their own conclusions about the way life works and the way they relate to others, like it has for me.

I can't quite pinpoint where all this curiosity has come from. It's been 10 months back at home and I find myself filling my head with memories of past days, past habits, the way things were a mere year ago, trying to stabilize the image of who I was, who I pretend to be, and who I really Am. I had always felt invisible, but while I'm now getting the attention I want I find myself unsure yet again of what it is that I truly Desire. This instability leads to unsure feelings present in all aspects of life- probably the most awkward emotion to feel- and continually restrains myself in pursuing what it is that I want.

The right kind of intimacy, I think, is when two entities can reveal multiple facets of their humanity and find reflections of themselves in the other. And while I have been able to build solid bridges amongst old friends and continue to work on the connections I've recently made, I find myself intimidated when it comes to the intimacy I know my soul's been craving. Does this genuine connection seem so unattainable because I'm not the whole Woman I'm capable of being, or does the eventual attainment of this genuine connection mean I've finally met the right Man?

it's 2:30 now, and I cant seem to keep my eyes open, nor can a thought spill from these fingertips in a complete and sensible manner.

I need to learn that Intimacy is not one to be Feared.
Vulnerability, on the other hand, is an entirely different post in itself.
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Subject:I'm turning in a letter of resignation tomorrow
Time:12:55 am
I'm quitting Strizzi's to try and handle being a line cook for a restaurant that is struggling to survive it's first year.

pretty stoked.
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Subject:.u.n.f.i.n.i.s.h.e.d.
Time:06:12 pm
with my naked eye i saw something obscene,
something serene in its own little aspect of animality
see everything i've known has been broken down to fallacy
and i know there's something wrong with the outside of me
but the inside can't divide its self from slick manipulation
so concentration rides the highs and negativity rejects the vibrations
and then I'm caught up in a web of sticky situations,
seduction probably the only true corruption
that hinders this inherently tender heart from becoming whole
but even the soul needs to ease the tension every once in a while
so i send out that secret smile hoping that my simple style
is enough to get his imagination rolling
cus i see him in his strengths but even the best still need consoling
so i rest his head on my bosom and share the beat in my chest
make him feel this rhythm and then let him do the controlling
cus these summer days are long and these nights increasingly get lonely
and the faded memories of fingertips tracing porcelain skin
is enough to set this mind frame in a tinted state of vision
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Time:11:04 am
this ear infection is back with a vengance. I wish i could just stick a spoon in there and carve all the hurting out, haha.

On another note, both of my jobs have been picking up, or at least they have in the past few days. Hopefully that's an indication of how the rest of summer will be.

And, by the way, there is nothing better than swimming at 3am with some of the coolest people you know. I definitely suggest you find a friend and try it.

I love summer already!
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[icon] vikki
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